The
Pastor, the Priest, the Marriage Counselor & the Wafer - Act Two
To my dear Brother, December 12th, 2000
My friend, I have not responded to you for seven days and seven nights; and now I must respond. I am deeply strained in my soul and filled with compassion for you, because your wife has left you and has been gone for several months. But I must ask, is there a reason for this?
I must ask of you another question; what is this preaching thing that you are talking about? Since I have been away from your area for some years now, I have found that my love is flowing and I have begun to connect with all of god’s children. You have talked about love in the past, but I don’t think you understand what love really means, so I thought I would share with you a better meaning of love. I also want to indicate that your pastor/ counselor is a man of great wisdom and position, and you should not be foolish in thinking that there is other wisdom out there. For, you know, and I know, that Jesus was love, and that he so loved the world, that he gave his only forgotten son.
For as I know, and as others know, that without this love, you are a gleaming symbol with no melody or rhythm. You mentioned the gospel several times in your letters; my dear brother, do you not realize that part of your other ministry is the ministry to your wife? Do you not know that this ministry is your ministry, in which you are the minister of all this ministry? And if the minister is not doing his ministry, then he is administrated. (As you well know my brother)
My dear brother, as you are being counseled, you must be willing to accept the counsel from the counselor, so that your contrived consultation would not go to waste, and the precious minutes of your counselor’s days should never be to counsel the counselor. For that is inconsolable. If you don’t heed the advise of the counsel, you may be easily manipulated by manipulators, and that manipulation may be derived exactly from your manipulator.
WWJD? My dear friend, you mentioned washing the feet of the brethren; If you really love your wife you would wash her feet and take her to get a pedicure, for this is truly the meaning behind the season. And buy her some diamonds too, so she may glitter with holiness, that her light may shine like a city in the valley.
Let
us talk about Love. Take, for example, the gospel story; we see Jesus,
who was love incarnate, who went forth and laid down his life for his
bride. This clearly demonstrates an example for us, as men who love god,
that we should lay all down for our wives, even though they may trample
on us and kick and bruise the tender recess of our faces, we should be
patient and kind and let them walk all the more, hold their hands in
view of the congregation, tell them we love them several hundred times a
day and let them meander, when they want to like floodwaters that leave
the bank.
True love means that all we believe in must be surrendered before our wives. I am glad your wife is going to a local body regularly, for she needs to be connected in, so that she can be nurtured and loved instead of abused by harsh comments that hurt us all. She needs to be received with great counseling and compassion. For example, when Paul, who found out about the man in one of his churches who was sleeping with his stepmother, said, ‘restore him as a brother, and forgive him’ (2nd Corinthians). Go and do likewise my brother, forgive your wife and remember that he who is without sin cannot cast not the third stone.
Knowing that your wife has left you, you should not look at it not as a bad thing but a good thing; find the positive in it and do not dwell on the severity of reality, for that is negative thinking. Brother, own yourself and find yourself! Take a clue from your wife, for she has found freedom in Christ and is now able to worship god on her own, so freely from her own accord, her own standing and her own uprightness.
One word from the Unknown Parishioner to you my brother , may you seek after this love and find her. May you treasure her love as it runs deeply into the heart of your recess and question not what your congregation can do for you but what you can do for your congregation! ( $$$ )
As you know, Jesus was Free; Jesus was Love too, so therefore Love is Freedom. If your wife seeks freedom she shall be free indeed. It is unloving of you to deny her this freedom. Give her freedom or give her death. You should encourage her in her freedom seeking and nurture her with great financial showers, and love her abominable ways, for as Hosea, who was a man of great love, who went back to his wife you should go back to your wife and accept her, and turn your face to her once more. (that’s not referring to The Congregation, by the way)
Dear brother your sarcasm has gone over the limit and has caused us much grief, even here in other bodies; and we have no more to discuss until you are willing to come groveling at our feet, and be our Yes-Man, for we are in great need of one.
(cause our gospel is better than your gospel... nah nah nah nah nah )
As a final quote to you, brother, I wish to write this from Paul, in second Corinthians "we implore you on your wife’s behalf, be reconciled to your wife." (2 Corin. 5:20b)
- Steven, your beloved brother, who loves all creatures
Replies to this letter:
- These letters left me
confused.....is there a
purpose?...Please if there is any further correspondence, sign your name
and give me some understanding of who you are and why you felt the need
to send this to me...
Thank you,
James
- Dear James
Thank you for your response. I do not attend Calvary Chapel, nor would I consider myself a Calvary Chapel-ite, or any other 'ite' for that matter. I apologize if the letters seemed confusing, or in any way demeaning to you as a pastor or person; it was not my intent.
A friend of mine, (the husband in the letters) his wife approximately 6 months ago, decided that she was going to leave him. They both attend a Calvary Chapel in Northern California, which I had
attended as well a few years back. At this particular Chapel they have seen a huge movement of women leaving their husbands, even the men in leadership have been affected by it. The previous pastor of this Calvary Chapel, 6 or 7 years ago, fell into adultery and the pastor before him
as well.
This is not just a Calvary Chapel issue, but this affects the entire Church, Christ's Bride, his beloved Congregation. I have admired Chuck Smith and respected him as a believer in Christ and am indebted to him for the teaching I have learned from him, and other pastors as well, not only in Calvary Chapel but in the The Church. What I don't understand is how a woman can leave her husband, and it is tolerated and she is accepted in congregation functions when she's out running around separate from her husband. This is becoming normal activity in this particular Calvary Chapel.
I have sent out the email you received to Calvary Chapels nationwide, hoping that this activity was not occurring in other churches. So far, these are some of the exact responses I have received
back: 'please remove me from this mailing list', 'who are you?', 'don't send me any more e-mails of this nature', and 'who are you and whom do you represent?'. Only one pastor from the mid-west replied with courteous, scriptural words: "when we don't call sin 'sin' it destroys and undermines a lot of work in process. we have seen a great deal of marriages where the spouse, lately the wife has up and left, the
Internet romance craze is one of the greatest causes."
I hope that none of us consider ourselves to be islands on our own. I hope that any pastor, from Calvary Chapel or any other Bible-believing congregation knows that there is accountability in the
Holy Body of Christ, not just Calvary Chapel's body.
I hope that this has clarified any confusion or frustration that
might have been conjured up by my earlier email.
If you have any other questions feel free to ask.
May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ guide you.
Steven
- Dear Steven,
- Thank you for your
kind reply, I too am concerned about the
Church today, we have ceased to confront sin and instead fear for our
paychecks and creature comforts as Pastors.
I am sorry for your friend and have both men and women in our fellowship
that have been abandoned by their "believing" spouse. It is a sign that
the enemy is being successful on many fronts despite the many marriage
seminars that churches offer over and over again. It is important that
we unapologetically preach the full counsel of the scriptures.
As to your first letter, I think what bothered (if that's the right word)
me is that I had no point of reference and so the letter was confusing
to me, I would like to offer some advice: if you send this to anyone
else, sign your name to it and give the same background that you gave me
in this letter. It would go farther to help those who seek the
self-examination that this letter and the
previous one prompts.
I will be in prayer for your friend and would ask that you pray for me,
that I would always aspire to be a pleaser of God rather than of man.
In Him,
James