Children & You
The
classic argument is: ‘having children will ruin your figure’.
Now, we as Christian women know that such thoughts are merely fleshly vanity and foolishness. But, as the warmer weather approaches and the sun begins a regular appearance, those childless young women come out in their fitted, filmy dresses and trim, little capri pants; just the sight of them makes those of us with children-figures feel just horrible.
Yes, it is the flesh, and yes it is envy, insecurity (flesh), but realizing this is half the battle. It’s just the flesh!!! Certainly not the end of the world or anything to worry about.
One day while pregnant with my third child, I realized that Love can be defined as ‘unselfishness’. The supreme proof and example of this is Christ Himself; He gave freely of Himself for our sins, to the glorification of the Father.
We, as wives and mothers, have a great deal more than just our figures to sacrifice when becoming mothers: our time, energy, extra time, makeup time, shopping time and most everything else. It is not an unfortunate thing, for in as much as this demand on us moms is portrayed by the world as somehow 'unjust' and 'demeaning' to us women, I find that, Biblically, it is God’s perfect design for us. Love for our offspring and husbands forces us to check our flesh and allow the Lord to work in us gentleness, patience, character and wisdom. He even gives us the strength to run after our rampaging, little marplots.
With Him, all things are indeed possible, even the monumental task of staying sane while raising children! A great hope this is for those who trust in Christ.
In coming to these meager realizations, I find my view of mothers is changing; in the store, for example, when I see a woman with children, who is not looking so great, I take a moment to analyze my thoughts. Her hair perhaps is neat but definitely not shiny and well-cared for, her clothes are clean but maybe a trifle wrinkled and maybe the outfit ensemble was hastily assembled, and perhaps she had only bothered to smear on a little lip gloss in lieu of the full makeup. In seeing such women, I find that instead of turning away and in my mind thinking, "what a frump", I look at her children. Most often they are sunny-faced, clean, neat and as happy as can be. If I see this, then the mother is suddenly transformed before my eyes: a womanly mother who unselfishly puts her children’s well-being before her own appearance, who obviously works hard at the care of her family and home. She is the truly loving mother and when I see this I take great encouragement from it, also hoping that other mothers have the discernment to view me in the same light, especially when I am not looking my best.
Of course, we as mothers can use this busy-ness as an excuse to never make ourselves pretty outwardly; to mention unselfishness again, our husbands do appreciate an occasional effort in this area. I found the best time is when both of my children are taking a quick, half hour nap about an hour before my husband gets home. I shower and dab on a little makeup and slip into a dress that I know he likes; it doesn’t take much time but I know it will aid in lifting his spirits after a long day away from his castle.
Also, mothers, our daughters do pick up a great deal of information from our appearance about how they are to dress and make themselves neat. For me and my little girl we make ourselves neat and clean; everything else is just extra. Makeup I often put on, if any, right before driving out the driveway, while the car is warming up.
Unselfishness changes you, pleasantly. As you begin to put your family first, the nervous, constant thoughts of what others think of you slowly ebb away altogether. "Is my hair right?!" is not longer a thing I think every five minutes or every day, for that matter, or whether my lipstick has faded; rather, I am able to enjoy the scenery more, or the sight of my little ones playing, or how my husband’s eyes turn from warm brown to gold when he smiles.
If I am constantly focused on my ‘needs’, as they are often mistakenly called, I would miss my children growing up, and, even though I am a homemaker, I would be missing the very juice of life, so to speak. ‘Taking a moment to smell the roses’ is an incorrect phrase and nowhere near enough. A women’s role is actually among the roses, pruning, weeding, feeding, and by virtue of unselfish labor and attention, loving.
Then, once in awhile, you ‘take a moment’ to do something extra, something that you once thought about all the time, but now it seems you get along without it just fine.
To end, a woman in America generally takes 2 hours ‘getting ready’ in the morning for her grand entrance into the day. Someone old and wise once told me that prostitutes spend the same amount of time 'getting ready' for their ‘job’.
Who is all this effort for? Husband? Children? Or SELF...
Consider this when next tempted to ignore the little faces around you to put on 'your face', or to take 'me time'. Let unselfishness rule you, to show the work of Christ in your life, by obedience. If you do, when you do get a chance to take a fleeting look in the mirror, you’ll see a beauty that only comes from a gentle, quiet spirit of one that truly loves. This is the mother of whom Solomon the Wise spoke of, whom her children called 'blessed', and whom her husband delights in and trusts.